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Tommy Pickles was in a real bind. His campaign manager had just called him thirty minutes prior to inform him that the Kirijo Group had just pulled ten million dollars in donations from his campaign fund. "It doesn't matter" thought Tommy. "They can disagree with my politics all they want. All that matters is that the stock price on Pickle's Toys, LLC stays high."
"Oh yeah, and that I capture this bigass shadow sitting in front of me trying to rip my brains out." For you see, dear reader, it is the Dark Hour. If you are unaware, it is a time when evil creatures called shadows feast on the few humans who accidentally transcended into this alternate dimension. But Tommy's purpose here is no accident; he must continue the research the Kirijo Group started fifty years prior. Tommy was just a baby when the incident at Gekkoukan High occurred, and as an adult, dedicated his life to science. He became very interested in faster than light travel and determined that if there were no other way to travel through dimensions, he would have to reopen the Dark Hour that a group of teenagers closed forty years prior. He succeeded, but then found another stumbling point: nobody can enter the dark hour without a Persona. What use could his plans for space travel be if only a select few can use it? His life's work would be ruined. He may even have to work in fast food. And so Tommy taught himself how to use a Persona, Jack Frost, by using images of death. Death of his childhood friends.
Yes, its true. Chuckie was shot by a sniper in his youth. Poor Tommy was traumatized for life. In secret, he always had the potential to use a Persona, because he was always tied so closely to death. He merely needed a way to awaken his power. And science allowed him to do it.
Tommy planned on using money from Dil's business venture, Pickle's Toys, LLC, to fund research on how to convert the shadows into FTL "fuel caps". It seemed more ethical than killing the first born child of every man on the planet, thus forcing Persona on everyone. Unfortunately, such research is expensive. And in order to truly finish his work, he would need to be President of the United States of America, so that he could setup a government agency in charge of black ops time travel research. The Kirijo Group donated a large sum to his fund. Tommy found it ironic that they would pull support once they found out he was messing with the shadows. Hypocrites! Do they not see the brilliance to his madness?
And so Tommy raised the gun to his head, finger squeezing the trigger. "Shadow," he gloated, "you picked the wrong day to !@#$% with Tommy Pickles."
---
Chuckie couldn't be much more dead even if he tried. In fact, he's been dead for nearly 47 years. A Lithuanian sniper took a potshot at his head. And then he died. He watched Tommy from the afterlife. Chuckie worried for his friend's soul. "Tommy's blind ambition will damn him," Chuckie thought. And what of his run at the presidency? Surely Tommy wouldn't run under the Republican ticket? Not after all that talk in his twenties about "Occupy Wallstreet is the future bro. I know you're listening somewhere out there Chuckie. Some day I will have the power to bring you back. And then I will eat lunch at Popeyes. Because Popeyes is delicious."
Tommy never ate at Popeyes that day. He had a fresh sandwich at Subway.
"Tommy..." Chuckie contemplated. "Be careful my friend."
---
Lil' was working the night shift. "The work of a prostitute never ends" she thought with a heavy sigh. She had three more appointments left before she could hang it up for the night. One of them was with an old friend. The moon looked pale green tonight. She had never noticed that before. "Strange..." she thought. "You do a double team with a couple of Mexican midgets with gang green and you start seeing green everywhere. Oh well." She trudged along to her next appointment. Her old friend, Tommy Pickles, would be waiting for her.
---
"PERSONA!" Tommy shouted as he pulled the trigger. A wave of cold swept over his body. The line between life and death blurred as adrenaline overtook his system. Sometimes he still halfway expects to see Reptar appear in front of him everytime he does this. Once again, he is disappointed to see Jack Frost. "That's not Reptar" he tries to mutter. He finds that when his Persona is out he's not capable of controlling his body. He is an empty vessel, without a soul, waiting for his master to return.
This time, something is wrong. His evoker drops to the ground and he starts to panic. Jack Frost had a goofy grin on his face, which was normal, but somehow it seemed more sinister. The shadow began to cower in fear. Jack Frost's color was changing... Something was definitely not right. Tommy's vision began to blur. He could barely make out this... this thing. Black Frost. Tommy's personality had changed in his pursuit of power, and thus his Persona reflected it. This was a Persona of destruction. Tommy's self destruction. What could he do??? Black Frost casted Mudo on the enemy. It exploded into a gooey, ectoplasma-y mess. That shadow wasn't the villain. No. No villain could be brought down by Mudo.
"Tommy...?" Oh !@#$%, Tommy thought. What the !@#$% is Lil' doing here? And why did she bring her herpes rashed ass here?
---
Lil' became interested in stripping after that incident nearly 48 years ago when she saw Phil's penis. And Tommy's as well. Chuckie was a prude, and that's why he deserved to get shot by a sniper. If all the boys had penises, but she didn't, then she wanted to see as many as possible! Then maybe, just maybe, she'd be able to touch a few. She was living the dream.
She approached Tommy's house, disregarding all of the coffins on the street. "Halloween must be early this year" she thought. After all, it was November, and some people liked to get a jump on the holiday season. She knocked on the door to no answer. So she climbed through the window, as Tommy instructed her to when this arrangement was made. She called out her suitor's name. "Tommy!? Are you there?" No answer. She walked down the stairs to the basement.
"Tommy...?" Tommy looked like he'd seen a ghost. Some kind of black monster, eleven inches long, was standing in front of Tommy, proudly erect.
"What if it hurts Tommy?" she thought. "I'll never be able to live with myself! !@#$% this gay earth, I have to end this right now"
Lil' found a gun on the floor. She picked it up, and put it to her forehead. "Just like I practiced," she thought. She pulled the trigger and felt a sudden cold come over her body.
---
Spike was about as dead as a dog could be. He had eaten far too much bacon and died of heart disease. Chuckie and Spike watched the events unfolding at the Pickles mansion from above.
"Spike? Why do you think Tommy turned to demons?"
"Arf!"
"Spike you're a !@#$% !@#$%."
---
Penthesilea arose from the sea of Lil's soul.
"Tommy..."
Lil' was struggling to stay awake. The power swept through her body and she wasn't quite sure how to handle it.
Suddenly, it all stopped. Everything returned to normal, including the color in the air. The Dark Hour had ended.
A swat guard entered the premises. He shot Lil' in the face 23 times and then planted a bag of cocaine by her dead corpse. He then kicked Tommy in the balls and shouted "TANGELA, USE BIND!"
"What?" Tommy exclaimed. Suddenly he was home. Chuckie sat across from him playing Pokemon Red, beating the !@#$% out of him with Tangela.
"Haha I win Tommy!" he shouted.
Indeed. Tommy Pickles was in a real bind.
---
Tommy Pickles grew up to be a deranged serial killer and received the death penalty in Texas after murdering twenty three children in cold blood. His last words were "Orpheus! Give me power!" before the lethal injection. May God have mercy on this poor deranged man's soul.
