ZFGC
General => Boards => Archive => Other Discussion => Topic started by: BuffaloBurgers on December 04, 2007, 02:12:40 am
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So, today is December 3rd, which is the day that Super Smash Bros. Brawl comes out (I know because Reggie said so). I pre-ordered a copy months in advance, so I drove to the mall and burst into Gamestop. After pushing several children standing in line out of the way, I went up to the counter and said to the girl behind it, "Hey, I'm here to pick up my copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl."
Then the girl said to me "I can't give that to you."
Naturally, I was filled with rage. "What do you mean you can't give it to me? I pre-ordered it, and it's out today!"
"But it's been delayed until Feb-"
"DON'T GIVE ME ANY EXCUSES! There's always an excuse with you game store people. Delayed? That's what you said about Duke Nukem Forever! Now where's my copy of SSBB?"
Nervously, the girl cried "Todd, could you come here please?" A man walked up to the counter. Judging by his nametag, I assumed he was this Todd.
"Are you bothering this girl, sir?"
"Yes. Yes I am. But she won't give me my copy of SSBB!"
"Sir, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."
"And if I don't?"
"Then we'll sic a Utahraptor on you." Todd then pressed a button, and a Utahraptor came down from the ceiling, hungry for my blood.
I knew I couldn't run forever, but that's when I remembered that I always keep a few ninja shurikens with me in case a giraffe escapes from the zoo. I threw one shuriken at the Utahraptor. It seemed wounded, but I threw another one to finish it off. Even when near death, a dinosaur is a most heinous threat. I then saved my last shuriken for this Todd character. I hurled the throwing star at him, but it simply bounced off and hit the girl, revealing her bare circuitry. She then said in a monotonous voice:
"This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. If the problem persists, please contact the program vendor. Thank you for using the Robotic Game-Ignorant Girl 9000. The RGIG9K is the finest of all mechanical female game store clerks with no knowledge of games whatsoever. Aperture Science: We do what we must because we can. This message will now repeat. This program has performed..."
I then looked back at Todd.
"But my ninja shurikens can hurt anything except...wait a minute! You're not Todd! You're not Todd at all! You're not even remotely Toddish! You're..."
"THAT'S RIGHT, MATEY!" cried Todd as he removed his prosthetic body parts, showing his eyepatch, hook, and peg leg. "I BE CAPTAIN SAMUEL TODDBEARD, THE MOST FEARED PIRATE IN ALL OF THIS MALL, YARR!"
I tried to struggle, but it was in vain. In mere moments, Capt. Toddbeard had me tied up.
"Now, m'lad, in a short while I'll be feeding ye to the sharks!"
"But...this is a mall." I said.
"I mean the floor sharks!"
"GASP!" I gasped. "NOT THE FLOOR SHARKS! THEY'RE THE MOST DANGEROUS OF THEM ALL!"
Suddenly, a well-dressed businessman came in.
"Hello. I represent a renowned department store chain. We express interest in purchasing this franchise."
"Hold on just a wee second," the pirate said to me. He then turned towards the businessman. "Now, who ye be representin'?"
"I represent S-Mart." said the man.
"S-Mart? I've not been he-YARR!" he cried in intense pain. The well-dressed businessman revealed the chainsaw he had for a right hand.
"All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up. You see this? This...is MY BOOMSTICK!"
Bruce Campbell then engaged in an epic battle against the pirate. I was watching the grand spectacle, but then I realized something. There was no popcorn. But where could I get some? Then it hit me.
"Thank you for using the Robotic Game-Ignorant Girl 9000. The RGIG9K is the finest of all..."
I inched towards the robotic clerk and managed to free one of my arms.
"IT BE HOPELESS, YA BIG-CHINNED SCALAWAG!" boasted Capt. Toddbeard to Bruce Campbell. "I be the one who have the upper...eh? Why be I feelin'...so weak? And what smells like blue?"
Then, I explained what was happening using bad science that is typically only found in a Silver Age Superman comic. "By rewiring the Robotic Game-Ignorant Girl 9000, I've managed to release a magnetic pulse that has shifted your equilibrium to a balance that you've grown unaccustomed to, due to that you've spent years without a left eye, left hand, or left leg! Also, I made popcorn."
"Also," said Bruce Campbell smugly, "the magnetic pulse amplifies the power of my boomstick!" There was one blast, and the pirate was no more.
"Thanks for saving me, Bruce Campbell!" I said as he untied me.
"No problem. But I have to ask...why were you in here?"
"I was trying to pick up a copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl."
"...It's been delayed until February 10th."
"Oh."
Then I drove back home, and here I am.
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XFD i love you so much.
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O_o;;;;
They did it for the lulz obviously.
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tl;dr
They only sell used games, remember?
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All I can say is... I lol'd.
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Damn... poor girl.
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XD that was awesome!
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LMFAO. I spat my Coke all over the keyboard. That was the biggest unexpected load of laughing twist material ever.
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Nervously, the girl cried "Todd, could you come here please?" A man walked up to the counter. Judging by his nametag, I assumed he was this Todd.
X|D
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I !@#$% lol'd! but in what cave do you live if you didn't knew it was delayed?...
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I !@#$% lol'd! but in what cave do you live if you didn't knew it was delayed?...
but something about all the robots and pirates etc seems to make me think that it's not a true story, somehow >_<
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xD
That was awesome.
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I !@#$% lol'd! but in what cave do you live if you didn't knew it was delayed?...
but something about all the robots and pirates etc seems to make me think that it's not a true story, somehow >_<
Really? I think it makes it seem more realistic. Gamestop seems like the kind of place that would be infested with evil robots and pirates. :P In fact, I'm willing to bet that one of the douchebags that works at the gamestop near here is a pirate. Probably a butt pirate too. <_< >_>
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but in what cave do you live if you didn't knew it was delayed?...
... Yeahh...
Anyways awesome story, have my babies, all of that jibba-jabba.
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That was a BEAUTIFUL piece of literature my friend. Now... What'd you do with the RGIG9K? O_o
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That was a BEAUTIFUL piece of literature my friend. Now... What'd you do with the RGIG9K? O_o
He prolly secksed it/her. :O
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Excuse me, I have to go laugh...
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That was a BEAUTIFUL piece of literature my friend. Now... What'd you do with the RGIG9K? O_o
She's in the kitchen chilling and making sandwiches with my dead Utahraptor (Which apparently is an endangered species)
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You forgot to go to the bathroom and have a psycho killer come in with a knife and try to kill you. :C
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tl;dr: Delicious copypasta is delicious. Pre-order Battletoads
Other than that, I suggest you go to EB games there a lot more reliable.