I don't know if it was just my download or what, but when I listen to the second version, it's super distorted to the point where I can't really tell how it should sound. I don't know if the distortion happened when you rendered it into an .ogg or if it's something to do with the upload or download or what. Does anyone else get that in their download?
From what I could tell, it definitely seems very intense now, hard to tell if it's too much so or what. On your end, how does it loop? It seems like once it reaches the end, it very sharply gets quieter on the loop, like you can easily tell when the track ends and starts over because it isn't smooth. I couldn't really tell for sure because of the distortion and the program I was using to play it, though.
EDIT: Sorry, the distortion was actually my bad, I just realized how pumped up I had the volume on the media player. Although I will say that the steep jump in volume you have at about 1:14 is super prone to distorting, that other instrument that comes in is fairly loud.
Would you be okay if I tried to recreate this with a few tweaks also? If you could send the FL Project file that'd be sweet too.