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Author Topic: Haunted in the Rain  (Read 2066 times)

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Haunted in the Rain
« on: August 15, 2007, 06:22:45 pm »
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A horror fiction I wrote a few months ago. Not my best - I, personally, don't like it - but I've been told it's good, so I'm uploading it anyway.

Click here.
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Re: Haunted in the Rain
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2007, 07:24:49 pm »
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That's a good story, I liked it, but I think it's not very... well written. It could be more descriptive and have more connectors to make the text sound more articulated.
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Re: Haunted in the Rain
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2007, 07:36:47 pm »
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I think it's pretty good.
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Re: Haunted in the Rain
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2007, 02:29:16 pm »
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Quote from: sjegtp on August 15, 2007, 07:24:49 pm
That's a good story, I liked it, but I think it's not very... well written. It could be more descriptive and have more connectors to make the text sound more articulated.

1) I'm awesome at descriptions, like I have been blessed with a power by a holy deity, but I'm afraid I normally can't ... incorporate them into the story very well. It always looks too forced.
2) Connectors?
3) Articulated?
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Re: Haunted in the Rain
« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2007, 06:05:15 pm »
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When I said connectors I meant conjunctions... sorry if I didn't explain it very well.

I meant that, the sentences of the text are too numerous and short. For instance, when you wrote: "I dropped it in the mud. I picked it up again, pulled out a match, and lit it. The wind blew it out before I could light the candle. I cursed silently and felt around in the mud for the matchbox again. I pulled out one more match and lit the candle."

You could've written: "But I dropped it in the mud. I picked it up again, pulled out a match, and lit it, but the wind blew it out before I could light the candle. I cursed silently and felt around in the mud for the matchbox again. Then I pulled out one more match and finnally lit the candle."
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Re: Haunted in the Rain
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2007, 09:38:59 pm »
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Quote from: sjegtp on August 17, 2007, 06:05:15 pm
When I said connectors I meant conjunctions... sorry if I didn't explain it very well.

I meant that, the sentences of the text are too numerous and short. For instance, when you wrote: "I dropped it in the mud. I picked it up again, pulled out a match, and lit it. The wind blew it out before I could light the candle. I cursed silently and felt around in the mud for the matchbox again. I pulled out one more match and lit the candle."

You could've written: "But I dropped it in the mud. I picked it up again, pulled out a match, and lit it, but the wind blew it out before I could light the candle. I cursed silently and felt around in the mud for the matchbox again. Then I pulled out one more match and finnally lit the candle."
The buts are redundant...But you're right...needs more conjunctions...They way you wrote your story,Soapie,seems..
tacky...
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Re: Haunted in the Rain
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2007, 12:27:33 pm »
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Thanks for the criticism, I will be sure to remember this next time I write something :). Like I said, I didn't like this story too much. I'll put more effort into the next!
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Re: Haunted in the Rain
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2007, 01:40:50 pm »
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Whow! That was a very exciting story!

If you could make a movie of this, it would be really scary 8)

And also, you have to write stories for manga's. Deku_stick's manga's has bad stories about samurai's which ain't serious enough, and I believe you could write some adventurish-stories for his manga's.
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Re: Haunted in the Rain
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2007, 09:53:19 pm »
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D: All my good is the I don't like. Dammit, why is my gift such a curse? WRYYYYYYYYYYYY
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