You write quite well. The descriptions are better than the ones of your previous story.
I sometimes have good ideas for short stories, but I can't describe very well, specially in English -.-". A friend of mine writes extremely simple stories, but he describes so clearly that the story sounds impressive. My narratives, however, usually lack cohesion and coherence... though I'm much better at dissertations.
BTW that "it's" in the 4th paragraph shouldn't have an apostrophe.