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Author Topic: I was practising my writing ...  (Read 1106 times)

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I was practising my writing ...
« on: August 23, 2007, 09:51:58 pm »
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... and ended up with this short little thing. It's not even a story, just a little description of an everyday beach and the tide coming in. Please comment and criticise!

Quote from: Here it is!
The water glides gently up and down the sand, rolling into small waves which throw up seaweed and gouge small tracks; the tide comes in and the water level rises. Small children with plastic buckets and spades groan in annoyance as their sandcastles that, in their eyes, were perfectly crafted, are washed away swiftly by the sea.

Sunbathing tourists shake out their towels and begin to leave the beach, doubling back quickly to dig the almost forgotten bottle of sun lotion out of the sand, disgusted as dirt is lodged underneath their fingernails.

Soon, the beach is simply submerged in the salty sea water, the sun glistening on it's surface, the birds in the distance diving and circling; looking for fish, for food.

This is the sea, and it's eternal beauty.
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Re: I was practising my writing ...
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2007, 10:01:45 pm »
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Your English grammar, spelling and vocabulary is really remarkable for the age I guess you're in. The most Brittish or American people I know, has less good English than you. You should write a book with your skills :)
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Re: I was practising my writing ...
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2007, 10:06:20 pm »
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Why thank you, I think I might as well do that sometime. I recently got an idea for a science fiction story, but I'm kinda stumped as to how to begin it ... it's about aliens from Europa. They were frozen in the ice. A space shuttle boarded by humans sets off, takes a sample of the ice, and heads for Earth.

BUT THE CRYOGENICS SYSTEM BREAKS. And so the ice melts and the aliens escape :D. So, basically, there are two hostile aliens hiding in London.

Uh ... yeah. That's all I've got so far XD
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Re: I was practising my writing ...
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2007, 03:40:06 pm »
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You write quite well. The descriptions are better than the ones of your previous story.
I sometimes have good ideas for short stories, but I can't describe very well, specially in English -.-". A friend of mine writes extremely simple stories, but he describes so clearly that the story sounds impressive. My narratives, however, usually lack cohesion and coherence... though I'm much better at dissertations.

BTW that "it's" in the 4th paragraph shouldn't have an apostrophe.
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