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Author Topic: Shell  (Read 1384 times)

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Malon

ZFGC's Pariah.
Shell
« on: August 21, 2009, 03:20:19 pm »
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Well, I've started a new IP which has a way better foundation than any of my other numerous projects, thanks to The Ultimate Guide To Game Writing and Design. I want you guys to give me your suggestions and criticism. Well here it goes:

[STORY]
The story opens in Venns, a small agricultural-based town. The time is one of peace, electricity is thousands of years away. Suddenly, the peace is broken with the sounds of dozens of motorcycles. The townspeople get scared and confused, and call upon their small militia. The cyclists are revealed to be soldiers led by Elites, the higher-ups. The lower class soldiers are called Bishops, who wear a uniform of less durability. The soldiers jump into the sky, revealing a metal spine connecting them to their backs. The motorcycles transform and attach themselves to the soldiers backs. They proceed to pull gun-blades from their sheaths and attack the townspeople. The towns force is obliterated, while only a handful of Bishops have collapsed.

    Magni(you) wakes up against a tree to the sound of explosions. He runs to investigate, weilding his hammer. Then initiates a playable sequence where you fight around 20 Bishops. After, Magni is approached by an Elite and to both of their surprises, Magni shoots a large bolt of lightning from his hand. Magni is apalled at what had happened but decides that it isn't the time to mess around. More Elites come forward, and in a short panic, Magni grabs one of the motorcycle packs and starts driving away as fast as it will allow. Many Elites pursue him, and the chase is on.

    Another playable sequence initiates, this one similar to Final Fantasy 7's motorcycle chase. You control the vehicle with the left analog stick, use your hammer with B, and shoots lightning with X. Once one Elite is left both of them stop, both prepare to engage in battle. Magni starts conjuring a large bolt, while the Elite(Seiz) proceeds to pull out a disk-like object called a FED*. and prepares to trap Magni in an interdimensional prison. Both the beam from the FED and the Bolt cross, causing a large wormhole to appear. Both Magni and Seiz are sucked in, along with some other collapsed Elites, leaving them in a strange void. The only evidence of what just happened is one of the Elites visors resting on what looks like a crater.

Magni and Seiz drift through dimensions and time, awaiting the time they will awake and be free.
[End]

I have put a lot of work into this and it would mean a lot if you guys gave me your critique. Thanks.

*FED-Federal Entrapment Device

« Last Edit: September 30, 2009, 12:37:40 am by Malonfan2012 »
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Malon

ZFGC's Pariah.
Project Oz *Update!*
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2009, 08:37:17 pm »
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As some of you know, I've started a new IP. The new codename is Project: Oz. It's come a long way from when I started. Just a bunch of changes:

*Game is now a 3D platformer in vein of Banjo Kazooie and Mario 64.

*Story has been canned for something more simple, easier to work with.

*New art and main character:


If you've been keeping up on your Norse Mythology, Magni is the son of Thor. Thor won't be mentioned; the game is loosely based on Norse. Mjollnir may make this look like a Zelda clone but Mjollnir will rarely be used for combat; It will help Magni advance through the levels.

So please, tell me what you think. I'm open to criticism.  :)
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Re: Project Oz
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2009, 06:31:17 am »
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sounds intresting.. good luck :)
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  • daniel-kun

Malon

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Re: Shell
« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2009, 07:45:42 pm »
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Well ZFGC, here is the final version of the story.

    The story opens in Venns, a small agricultural-based town. The time is one of peace, electricity is thousands of years away. Suddenly, the peace is broken with the sounds of dozens of motorcycles. The townspeople get scared and confused, and call upon their small militia. The cyclists are revealed to be soldiers led by Elites, the higher-ups. The lower class soldiers are called Jackals, who wear a uniform of less durability. The soldiers jump into the sky, revealing a metal spine connecting them to their backs. The motorcycles transform and attach themselves to the soldiers backs. They proceed to pull gun-blades from their sheaths and attack the townspeople. The towns force is obliterated, while only a handful of Jackals have collapsed.

    Magni(you) wakes up against a tree to the sound of explosions. He runs to investigate, weilding his hammer. Then initiates a playable sequence where you fight around 20 Jackals. After, Magni is approached by an Elite and to both of their surprises, Magni shoots a large bolt of lightning from his hand. Magni is apalled at what had happened but decides that it isn't the time to mess around. More Elites come forward, and in a short panic, Magni grabs one of the motorcycle packs and starts driving away as fast as it will allow. Many Elites pursue him, and the chase is on.

    Another playable sequence initiates, this one similar to Final Fantasy 7's motorcycle chase. You control the vehicle with the left analog stick, use your hammer with B, and shoots lightning with X. Once one Elite is left both of them stop, both prepare to engage in battle. Magni starts conjuring a large bolt, while the Elite(Seiz) proceeds to pull out a disk-like object called a FED*. and prepares to trap Magni in an interdimensional prison. Both the beam from the FED and the Bolt cross, causing a large wormhole to appear. Both Magni and Seiz are sucked in, along with some other collapsed Elites, leaving them in a strange void. The only evidence of what just happened is one of the Elites visors resting on what looks like a crater.

Magni and Seiz drift through dimensions and time, awaiting the time they will awake and be free.
[End]

I have put a lot of work into this and it would mean a lot if you guys gave me your critique. Thanks.

*FED-Federal Entrapment Device
« Last Edit: October 07, 2009, 07:35:29 pm by Malonfan2012 »
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Re: Shell
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2009, 04:05:34 pm »
  • Minalien
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Seems interesting. Now, I'm assuming by "in vein of Banjo Kazooie..." you're talking about it being in the style of Banjo Kazooie & SM64.

If you can find somebody to do some basic modeling & animation, I'd be willing to work up a prototype for the project and, if it picks up enough speed, act as the full-time programmer for the project.

What platforms were you wanting to publish the game on?
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There's such a double standard about religion in the modern world. Catholics can gather, wear white robes, and say "In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti" and be considered normal.

But if my friends and I gather, wear black robes, and say  "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn", we're considered cultists.
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