I'll post the football story for Walnut.
#5 - (Dramatized?) Football Game[01:34] <ZServ> I DEMAND MOAR STORIES
[01:34] <Tet> I LOVE YOU WALNUT
[01:34] <Reo> I hate making people cry, though...
[01:34] * Tet holds walnut in his/her arms
[01:35] <+walnut100> Let me think of another one...
[01:35] <Tet> don't push yourself
[01:36] <Reo> Crying upsets me.
[01:36] <+walnut100> Well
[01:36] <+walnut100> There was that one time I went to a football game
[01:36] <+walnut100> It was a great night
[01:36] <+walnut100> October, crisp autumn air
[01:36] <+walnut100> Homecoming was the next night
[01:37] <+walnut100> It was time for gridiron football
[01:37] <+walnut100> But first
[01:37] <+walnut100> The mormons invited me to their annual tailgate party
[01:37] <+walnut100> Who could deny free food, even if there was mormons involved?
[01:38] <+walnut100> I was at swim practice, and the new Freshman on the swim team had one of his first practices
[01:38] <+walnut100> He was going to a party too
[01:38] <+walnut100> So I figured I'd drive him down
[01:38] <+walnut100> We went to the grocery store to pick up hotdogs
[01:38] <+walnut100> We came upon a tough choice
[01:38] <+walnut100> Beef or turkey dogs?
[01:38] <Pyrazor> Turkey or beef?
[01:39] <Pyrazor> yeah
[01:39] <Pyrazor> i figured
[01:39] <+walnut100> Hebrew National or Vienna?
[01:39] <+walnut100> Oscar Meyer or Ballpark?
[01:39] <Pyrazor> oh come on
[01:39] <+walnut100> And of course
[01:39] <Pyrazor> that's obvious
[01:39] <+walnut100> Braums buns or frozen buns?
[01:39] <+walnut100> In the end, he picked up some frozen buns and a pack of Oscar Meyer turkey dogs
[01:39] <+walnut100> I picked up some Hebrew National dogs and a two liter coke
[01:40] <+walnut100> We continued on our journey through downtown Oklahoma City.
[01:40] <+walnut100> On the way to the game I stopped at Braums to pick up some buns.
[01:40] <+walnut100> What's a dog without its buns?
[01:40] <+walnut100> Probably buttsex or something.
[01:40] <+walnut100> I paid the lovely cashier who had a mole on her nose and made my escape
[01:40] <+walnut100> We were off to the big game
[01:41] <+walnut100> Except, there was a small problem
[01:41] <+walnut100> At the stop light, to my right, I noticed a local police officer rushing into an apartment complex holding a scout
[01:41] <+walnut100> Another cop was on the ground with a sniper rifle
[01:41] <+walnut100> There was gunfire from the apartments
[01:41] <+walnut100> It was a shootout, Alexander Hamilton style
[01:42] <+walnut100> I turned to the right as fast as I could, as in Oklahoma right turn on red is legal
[01:42] <+walnut100> Musnt break the law
[01:42] <+walnut100> Afterall, those cops have !@#$% sniper rifles
[01:42] <+walnut100> Imagine what would happen if I sped and they pointed that thing at me
[01:42] <+walnut100> I'd have a flat tire probably.
[01:43] <+walnut100> So we escaped the firefight and the freshman asked me "Did that guy have a gun?"
[01:43] <+walnut100> And I said "Yup."
[01:43] <+walnut100> So then we went to see the mormons at the grill
[01:43] <+walnut100> They all had to shake my hand and introduce themselves
[01:43] <+walnut100> Unfortunately they all have the same personality
[01:43] * Mammy slaps walnut100 around a bit with a large trout
[01:43] <Reo> THIS IS SO !@#$% BORING
[01:43] <+walnut100> And they all were drinking A&W rootbeer and eating hamburgers
[01:43] <Mammy> +say penis
[01:43] <cpbot> cocksickle
[01:43] <Mammy> +define Jessetyler
[01:43] <cpbot> Definitions for Jessetyler:
[01:43] <cpbot> HE'S A DUMB SECOND GRADER. HURR.
[01:43] <cpbot> jessetyler.com
[01:43] <cpbot> theres three d's dumbass
[01:43] <cpbot> DOLPHIN BOY!
[01:43] <cpbot>
http://www.coolwebsearch.com/[01:43] <cpbot> *no legs*
[01:43] <cpbot> faps to beanie babies having buttsecks! :O
[01:43] <cpbot> * Max gives Jesse a kiss
[01:43] <cpbot> JesseTyler
[01:43] <cpbot> likes to yiff
[01:43] <cpbot> I am a male, looking for a male.
[01:43] <cpbot> *tosses the salad*
[01:43] <cpbot> Tossing the salad.
[01:44] <cpbot> likes to rip cats new ones.
[01:44] <cpbot>
http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a311/darkmule/zap3.png[01:44] <cpbot> lieks teh mudkips D:
[01:44] <cpbot> Sorry, I have no definition for penis. Why not add one yourself? Type +adddefinition penis put your definition here
[01:44] <+walnut100> Sexy hamburgers
[01:44] <cpbot> In soviet Russia, salad tosses you!
[01:44] <cpbot> Sorry, I have no definition for PENIS. Why not add one yourself? Type +adddefinition PENIS put your definition here
[01:44] <cpbot> liked to yiff... wtf? o.O
[01:44] <cpbot> The fat kid from that crappy "Home Movies" show.
[01:44] <+walnut100> Hamburgers with pickles
[01:44] <cpbot> ZOMG
[01:44] <cpbot> Closet furfag
[01:44] <cpbot> <JesseTyler>
[01:44] <+walnut100> And lettuce
[01:44] <cpbot> almost like jdbye, but with images
[01:44] <Mammy> Hamburger with egg!
[01:44] <+walnut100> And ketchup
[01:44] <+Dantz> +define Dantz
[01:44] <cpbot> Sorry, I have no definition for Dantz. Why not add one yourself? Type +adddefinition Dantz put your definition here
[01:44] <+walnut100> So anyway, eventually the mormon priest or whatever he is arrived
[01:44] <+Dantz> +adddefinition Dantz The greatest man to ever live.
[01:44] <+walnut100> He was the head cheese of the local church
[01:44] <cpbot> Definition for Dantz added. 2a Dantz
[01:44] <Reo> +define queef
[01:44] <cpbot> Definitions for queef:
[01:44] <cpbot> !@#$% fart.
[01:44] <+walnut100> He opened his car door
[01:44] <+Dantz> ....
[01:44] <+walnut100> And was stepping out
[01:44] <+walnut100> When a bra hit him square in the face
[01:45] <+walnut100> A 16 year old girl was stripping
[01:45] <+walnut100> About three feet to his left
[01:45] <+walnut100> To get the boy's attention
[01:45] <Reo> +b
[01:45] <cpbot> show !@#$%!!!!!
[01:45] <+walnut100> He sat there with a blank stare on his face
[01:45] <+walnut100> Obviously dumbfounded at what he was seeing
[01:45] <Reo> +spam
[01:45] <cpbot> SPAM: HUGE PENIS +++ livestock
[01:45] <+walnut100> He started making a speech about it to his children
[01:45] <+walnut100> I didn't want to hear it so I went to play frisbee with some other friends
[01:46] <+walnut100> Then the football game came
[01:46] <+walnut100> I ran down to the field and ran out with the team
[01:46] <+walnut100> And got kicked off the field
[01:46] <+walnut100> But I was allowed to stay in the game because they're stupid like that
[01:46] <Mammy>
http://gendou.com/forum/thread.php?thr=19598 Hanamaru Hamburger =3
[01:46] <Mammy> +joke
[01:46] <+Dantz> +define Mammy
[01:46] <cpbot> How do you make a little girl cry twice?
[01:46] <cpbot> Wipe your bloody DICK on her teddy bear.
[01:46] <cpbot> Definitions for Mammy:
[01:46] <cpbot> Likes lots of pizza
[01:46] <+walnut100> My then girlfriend was ignoring me that night
[01:47] <+walnut100> I said hi to her and she brushed me off
[01:47] <Hoffy> Mammy
[01:47] <Hoffy> you made me feel bad for asking her if it was Fox :s
[01:47] <+walnut100> No big deal, afterall, I have friends to be with
[01:47] <+walnut100> I went to buy a soda
[01:47] <+walnut100> But what kind of soda?
[01:47] <+Dantz> Yeah, good thread that was >_>
[01:47] <+walnut100> Orange soda?
[01:47] <+walnut100> 7UP?
[01:47] <+walnut100> Coke?
[01:47] <Mammy> lol sorry Hoff
[01:47] <+walnut100> Pepsi?
[01:47] <+walnut100> The options were limitless
[01:47] <+JesseTyler>
http://gizmodo.com/5029595/back-to-the-future-hoverboard-auction-starts-at-30000[01:47] <+walnut100> As limitless as my soul's
[01:47] <Mammy> I was going to ask
[01:47] <Mammy> but
[01:47] <+walnut100> A battle that transcends time and history one could say
[01:48] <Mammy> I felt it would be inappropriate being an admin and him being a mod
[01:48] <+walnut100> I bought an orange soda.
[01:48] <Reo> I think this story is scripted.
[01:48] <Mammy> I didn't want to add any potential hostility :p
[01:48] <Mammy> yes
[01:48] <Reo> Ah.
[01:48] <+walnut100> I drank my soda and put it in the recycling bin
[01:48] <Hoffy> if it isn't scripted
[01:48] <+walnut100> Reo: These are all real
[01:48] <+walnut100> Seriously
[01:48] <Hoffy> walnut rocks harder than normal
[01:48] <Reo> Oh, you're there?
[01:48] <Mammy> I can personally see Fox being very annoying IRL
[01:48] <Mammy> so
[01:48] <Mammy> lol
[01:48] <Reo> tl;dr
[01:48] <+walnut100> Then after I put my soda in the bin
[01:48] <Hoffy> actually yeah
[01:48] <Hoffy> say
[01:48] <Hoffy> *same
[01:48] <+walnut100> I went off to watch the game
[01:48] <Hoffy> Fox is cool on the internet though
[01:48] <+walnut100> Our team was getting pounded
[01:48] <+walnut100> Hardcore
[01:49] <+walnut100> We were playing our longtime rivals, Edmond Memorial
[01:49] <+walnut100> 14-0 at the half
[01:49] <+walnut100> This gay kid was sitting next to me
[01:49] <Hoffy> lol
[01:49] <+walnut100> He obviously had down syndrome
[01:49] <+walnut100> He just kept creeping closer
[01:49] <+walnut100> And closer
[01:49] <+walnut100> And closer
[01:49] <+walnut100> And closer to me
[01:49] <Reo> And then he said "I LOVE YOU"
[01:49] <+walnut100> To the point where I was uncomfortable
[01:49] <Hoffy> eh, he seems like a pretty fun person
[01:49] <Mammy> >_>;;
[01:49] <+walnut100> He was giving my penis weird looks
[01:49] <Mammy> I don't know
[01:49] <+walnut100> I told him I had to go get a coke
[01:49] <Mammy> hard to keep up with the real conversations :p
[01:49] <+walnut100> And I ditched the !@#$%
[01:49] <Hoffy> yes
[01:50] <+walnut100> And found my friends who play in a local band
[01:50] <Mammy> what with this ebil scripted story here
[01:50] <+walnut100> I sat with them for a while and discussed music
[01:50] <+walnut100> They're big Beatles fans
[01:50] <Reo> But then you turned around and had hot gay sex with that retard THE END
[01:50] <+walnut100> I personally at the time was big into Iron Maiden
[01:50] <Reo> Trooper, plx.
[01:50] * walnut100 was kicked by Vash (be good)
[01:50] * walnut100 (Shan.w@nt.go.informer) has joined #zfgc
[01:50] <Mammy>
[01:50] <walnut100> WTF Vash I'm not done yet
[01:50] <walnut100> So anyway
[01:51] <walnut100> I was discussing music with them
[01:51] <Mammy> Wallu has DJ's hostmask?
[01:51] <Mammy> y u steal his
[01:51] <walnut100> Maybe? I dunno
[01:51] <walnut100> Anyway
[01:51] <walnut100> After that I watched the rest of the game
[01:51] <walnut100> We lost
[01:51] <walnut100> It got rained out
[01:51] <walnut100> And I started thinking about dumping my girlfriend because she was giving me the cold shoulder again
[01:51] <Reo> IT IS NOT A COOINKIDINK! :O!!!!!
[01:51] * ChanServ sets mode: +h Mammy
[01:51] <walnut100> I met with another girlfriend (Not in the romantic sense) and discussed the game with her
[01:51] <%Mammy>
[01:52] <walnut100> She's not too into football
[01:52] <walnut100> And knew nothing about the underlying mechanics of it all
[01:52] <Hoffy> grats
[01:52] * Vash sets mode: +v Hoffy
[01:52] <Reo> Grats both of you.
[01:52] <&Vash> So, hoffy how are you?
[01:52] <Pyrazor> COUNTER grats
[01:52] <walnut100> I discussed the stupid play where we dropped the ball on the extra pointer
[01:52] <+Hoffy> excellent
[01:52] <walnut100> Which led to a Memorial touchdown
[01:52] <walnut100> And she made some comment about one of the players having nasty hair
[01:53] <+Hoffy> i just got my fruit box in the bin from like 5m away
[01:53] <&Vash> anyone ever see miles on?
[01:53] <walnut100> Which is ironically the same comment my girlfriend made when I watched the NFL playoffs with her the season before
[01:53] <Reo> Miles?
[01:53] <&Vash> lombarti(sp?)
[01:53] * DJvenom (DJvenom@Yoroshii.org) has joined #zfgc
[01:53] * ChanServ sets mode: +v DJvenom
[01:53] <Reo> Also Hoffy, whenever I do that, no one happens to be looking.
[01:53] <walnut100> I bid her farewell, and went home
Later... (also tl;dr)
[01:55] <+DJvenom> hmmm
[01:55] <+DJvenom> I'm aggrovated for some reason
[01:55] <walnut100> You didn't read my stories DJ
[01:55] <walnut100> Obviously.
[01:57] <Reo> DJ, basically, he got a friend to get some serious weiner, then he drifted and powerboosted on a red light past some cops to a mormon
!@#$% tailgate party. Some priest came out of the car and saw some serious boobage. Wally then sat next to a retarded kid who wanted Wally in his every orfice. Then he met some
dumb !@#$% girl who
escaped from Wally's kitchen was his friend and told her how to play football.